The D-List: Final Fantasy Girls Weren’t All Meant To Please
In the world of Final Fantasy, there are some who were given cinematic eye-candy and drop-dead gorgeous looks in which fans would appreciate for a lifetime. The silky smooth hair, zit-free facial features, glittering eyes and cool victory battle poses to name a few give the likes of Aeris, Tifa, Rinoa, Princess Garnet and Yuna an edge over other venerated JRPG characters. There are some who just stinks and were created so that bloggers like me would have something to write.
Enter the unaesthetic world of under-appreciated Final Fantasy girls (women, widow, cougar you name it) as they radiate unappealing roles and diminished appearance minutes on some of our favorite FF classics. These are the personalities that either made us guffawed upon seeing their looks or pathetic fashion statements or clinched because they remind us of our grumpy old professors. Okay, I’m hiding the adjectives behind this – ugly, unappetizing, disgusting and hideous, that’s what they are and hopefully, my five picks won’t disappoint.
1. Queen Brahne – Kuja refers to her as the ‘elephant lady’ and that’s were I almost collapsed in laughter. He’s got a frank humor that belittles all life form not close enough to match his effeminate beauty. Seriously, Queen Brahne is an obese and power-hungry leader you didn’t expect to see in a Final Fantasy game – I was expecting Garnet’s mother, an evil hottie that can summon hordes of evil flesh-eating goblins, but Square Soft decided to stick with a widowed Brahne. Baku almost slipped and almost caller her “babe-licious.”
2. Yunalesca - In her normal, unsent form, she’s a candidate to become a memorable FF villain if not for Maester Seymour’s feminine voice. During the battle in Zanarkand’s Cloister of Trials, she goes berserk and inflicts the party with status ailments like Silence, Blind and Zombie in which, the latter shouldn’t be removed. Did I spoil anything? Yunalesca transforms into a crazy bitch with a demonic counterpart acting as a huge ethereal tail or something. A meaty representation on how evil and disgusting co-exists when battling Yevon’s first murderer. Yeesh!
3. Fran – I don’t know what the name of her race was much similar on how fast I forgot what Final Fantasy XII is all about. She’s got the body but those bunny ears does not suit her – I wonder how Baltheir manages to get around her. Maybe I just don’t have a thing with demi-humans. Racism, check!
4. Final Fantasy Tactics Female Black Mage – What is hidden beneath those streaky yellow eyes? I simply don’t know. Unless the character developers can give us a picture on what they look like without those disheveled blue robes and pointy hats then, your class will remain in the fourth spot of my D-list. Sorry.
5. Freya – Last but not least is another entry from Final Fantasy IX – the rat-faced Burmecian Dragon Knight is despised, once again, by Kuja and almost eradicated her clan thanks to the Dark Matter she gave to Queen Brahne. Cleyra suffered doomsday and Freya’s hamster pals were caught in the cataclysmic destruction brought by Odin. Rats are not good and it’s enough for me to say that Freya is not beautiful because she’s a rat. Nuff said! She also has a boyfriend named Sir Fratley and he’s also a rat. Boo!
Well there you go, I didn’t have to rummage FF’s older archives because all this list is a gimme. A word of caution: remedies won’t have any effect on your cases.
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I dont think Yunalesca should be a part of this list. She looks hot. Provided yeah she looks like a V@gina when she turns into her 3rd form but she still looks hot.